The Thessaliad, Tumblr Edition

“Insincere endorsement: You have not heard Shakespeare until you have heard him in the voice of an elcor.”

Advertisements on the Citadel. Oh GODS it’s back.

“Nostalgic melancholy: Alas, poor Yorick. I knew him, Horatio…”

BWAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Still following Gaider on Tumblr, re: cookies

FANTHRAX?!?

“…an elcor version of Hamlet…”

Oh, the elevator announcements, how I LOVE you!

Reg’s Mom and the Crown of Orzammar

Reg: [in bathroom, cleaning, because ZOMG IT’S CLEANING WEEK AND GOD HELP US ALL SHE WILL BE AWAY THIS WEEKEND SO IT MUST BE DONE RIGHT NOW]
Mom: REG. [busts in]
Reg: [screams in horror; yanks ears buds out of ears] MOTHER OF GOD WOMAN WHAT.
Mom: This crown.
Reg: Yes.
Mom: I can give it to anyone.
Reg: [decides to preempt this] You can’t give it to yourself.
Mom: Well, that’s fine. I wouldn’t want to live in a dirty cave anway.
Reg: ;;w;; I really am your daughter.
Mom: But I was thinking. Oghren is a dwa—
Reg: [bursts out laughing, slumps over sink, starts sobbing as she laughs, tries not to throw up from laughing so hard]
Mom: :| Really, though. He’s a dwarf. He’s under my control. I actually like him.
Reg: [still laughing; can no longer breathe and makes pitiable gasping noises]
Mom: Whatever, I’m going back downstairs. It’s time to break up with pretty elf for your boyfriend.

You … really were not kidding.

*joins Reg in the hysterics*

(Source: skiesovergideon)

Approximately one hour ago

skiesovergideon:

Mom: [tries to be sneaky coming into Reg’s room]
Reg: [rolls over, sits up, groans]
Mom: Reg! Look what I have~ [holds up a bag of chocolate chips]
Reg: …buwuh?
Mom: [sits on the edge of Reg’s bed, takes her hand] Sweetheart, we need to talk about your life choices.
Reg: …mehrgle?
Mom: I understand why you like Alistair. [this is the point where my brain finally clicked on; it’s also the point I realized my life is a sitcom sans laugh track, which may only serve to make it funnier] But he’s keeping you from the things you need to do.
Reg: …wha?
Mom: I need you to make those cookies again.
Reg: …why?
Mom: Because I am in love with Sten.
Reg: …mother, you can’t romance him in the game. You don’t even play games.
Mom: Well, there’s—wait, what are those things called. The things that let your friend made her character’s hair pink?
Reg: …mods?
Mom: Yes. Get one of those and I will play your game and romance Sten.

I’m not kidding you, guys. And I’d like to say she’s trolling me.

But I don’t think she is.

………………………I feel strangely responsible for this. Also laughing myself to death.

Adventures in Baking

skiesovergideon:

Herein follows the conversation I just had with my mother:

Mom: What are you baking?
Reg: [absently] Sten’s +100 Approval Chocolate Chip Cookies with Seheron Spice. [gestures in a vague way to a rack of cookies] I made some without chocolate chips for you.
Mom: Oooh, so there’s crafting in this game.
Reg: [momentarily stunned because she’s just realized her mother listens when she talks about her video game woes] What?
Mom: You can cook in this game, right? Like that other one you played, where you could make weapons, and food, and little potiony things.
Reg: …what.
Mom: That was nice of the game makers to include the actual recipe for these cookies. Mmm, these are really good. [wanders off]
Reg: …what.

Apparently my mom actually listens when I tell her about how you can craft items and foodstuffs in video games. She now thinks Thessalian’s cookies are craftable in-game items and that the dev team gave us a recipe.

…okay, and as I was typing this, she pops into my room with two cookies in hand and says “I don’t know why you’re dating that Alistair fellow. If these are Sten’s cookies, I think he’s a keeper.”

I DO NOT EVEN.

Can barely type. Laughing too hard. Flattered, but if I die of laughter-related apoplexy, it’s your mother’s fault.

AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!

More Hidden Treasures in Kirkwall

I’d never really run around the Docks with Carver during the daytime before. I happened to be dragging him, Fenris and Varric along while finishing Blackpowder Promise, and got this:

Random Dock Bloke: You look like you’ve got a strong back on you. Can you lift, and are you cheap?

Carver: Yes and no, so piss off.

Hee.

Aaaaaaaaaahahahahaha!

The thing I love about the Dragon Age games is that there’s always something new to discover. I nipped into the Chantry to pick up Sebastian’s act 2 quest a little later than I usually do, and something new happened: Petrice got right in Hawke’s face. Wasn’t expecting that, but Petrice is easy to deal with. Sarcasm sarcasm sarcasm … off stomps Petrice, end of cutscene.

Isabela: Well … she’s a bitch.

I’ll stop laughing sometime next week.

Hysteria-inducing moments in DA2

I’m about to go beat information out of harbourmaster’s apprentice guy for Martin’s stupid poisons. My party: Fenris, Varric, Anders. You know that Templar who hangs around next to the harbourmaster in Act 1, usually asking about a blonde elf girl? Well, this time, he comes out with…

Templar: Do you know anything about the mage underground?

He’s staring right at Anders when he asks this.

The graphics may not allow for it, in my head, he’s trying to hide behind Hawke. Who’s looking at him like, “Be cool, you nimrod. He clearly hasn’t noticed the giant honkin’ staff you’re wearing… Also, stop that; I am shorter than you.”

…….Wut.

I was going over Gideon Emery’s voice acting credits again, particularly those for Origins because he does seem to voice-act a lot of small but vital roles.

Taliesin … okay.
Frandlin Ivo? I must listen out for that.
Harrowmont Crier? Likewise.
Lothering Templar? Actually, that one I can hear…
Mystical Human Male…

…………Waaaaaaaaaaaaitaminit. Mystical is one of the voice settings for the Warden voice-actors. You’re telling me that if you play male Cousland or male Amell, Gideon Emery voice-acts your main character? WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME THIS?

Sadly, I still don’t want to do an entire playthrough as a male Warden, but I should at least start one, just to hear this…

Edit: I just went through the character creation screen. Yes, that’s Gideon Emery alright, and I would not be able to play with that as my Warden-voice because I would be laughing too hard to see the screen!